Season 11 Ep.5 / Lament and Process Journaling
Alex (00:02.19)
Hi Brenda.
Brenda (00:03.046)
Well, hi Alex. Good to see you today.
Alex (00:07.501)
Yeah.
Brenda (00:08.792)
I'm excited about continuing our journey in this latest series on prayer that we've called Sacred Access. And I have to tell you, it's just been a real encouragement to my own prayer life, and I'll share some more of that in upcoming episodes. But this morning, we are going to go to a hard place in prayer, and that is the place of lamenting and what we call a process or burn journal. I was reading in John 6, the last few days of my quiet time, just this
of Jesus being the bread of life in the living water. And he talks about eating and drinking. And he ties it to the wilderness wanderings, right? That in the desert, God's people were dependent on him for sustenance for food and for water. And I started thinking about how desperate those cries must have been. And we know they are because we're told that the Lord, you know, heard them even in the wilderness and especially in the wilderness. And I was just really reminded
Alex (00:46.818)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (00:58.414)
Mm-hmm.
Brenda (01:08.616)
that so often we are led to a deeper walk with Jesus in those desperate places where if God doesn't show up, we don't know what we will do. And it is in those places of suffering so often that our faith is tested, but also that our faith is strengthened. And I was really just imagining what would it be like to be a mom with three children and aging parents and not knowing if I was going to get food today, not knowing if we were going to have water today, and just the crying out to the Lord.
Alex (01:15.758)
Mm.
Yeah.
Alex (01:27.394)
Hmm.
Brenda (01:38.469)
that that would spark in my own heart. And so we all have those hungering and thirsting moments, those wilderness moments where we really don't see a way out, we don't see a way through, we don't see a way around, and we just know if God doesn't show up that, you know, we're doomed. So that's really when we talk about lament and process journaling, I think a lot about just the desperate cries of our hearts.
Alex (01:46.358)
Hmm.
Alex (02:05.109)
Yeah, yeah. think, you know, like you said, when we're talking about, whenever we're planning these podcasts, we're thinking about what we're going to teach.
Brenda (02:10.994)
you
Alex (02:16.407)
throughout the weeks. And so I pick up and I feel like my ears are sensitive to anything that's being said about prayer. And recently someone said that lament is inviting God into our grief. And I really love that picture because I tend to think of it as me going to God in my grief. And I like the idea that I'm inviting God to be part of my grief because if I'm honest, it's hard for me to be inviting people in.
places that are hard for me. I want to be alone. I want to push away. I want to be by myself when I feel messy or sad or disappointed and so I like the idea that not only are we going to him with our grief but we're inviting him to sit in it with us.
Brenda (03:04.636)
Yeah.
I think that's just so important and that there's such a warm welcome from the Lord to do that. Now in season five, we already covered the prayers that we're going to talk about in this podcast. talked about lament before we've talked about the process journal, but we thought it would just be good to bring it kind of into one podcast where we could talk about both of them. And again, we like the idea of having an entire season based on prayer. So maybe if you're looking for a prayer tool or you wanting to brush up on a method of prayer,
Alex (03:09.451)
Hmm.
Brenda (03:35.053)
that you can come here and readily find encouragement and instruction and example on how to do that. And one of the things we're going to do with this episode that we've been doing along the way is we have some dear sisters we've invited to share their lament prayers and a process journal as well. And so I just want to say, you know, thankful for their courageousness.
and their willingness to share because just like you said, it's really hard to go to those vulnerable places and invite God in and their willingness to even invite us in as listeners to the pain and the honest wrestle with God is really beautiful. some of these prayers, like we repeat some of the things we say, well, I think we repeat a lot of the things we say because we keep coming back to the basics of the Christian walk. Prayer is a primary means of grace. It's how we develop and deepen our knowledge of God, our relationship with God.
Alex (04:05.857)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (04:14.861)
Hmm.
Brenda (04:28.87)
But I love this quote by American author and journalist Thomas Wolfe. said, have to see a thing a thousand times before I see it once. And I think that's so true. I feel like there's always this repetition for me of doing things over and over and over again and hearing how to pray, hearing that we need to pray, hearing that God wants us to invite him into our struggles is something that I need to continually hear as I go through my life. And so we just hope that this series
Alex (04:36.363)
Hmm.
Brenda (04:58.74)
on prayer and this particular episode on lament will really encourage our listeners and remind them that God is inviting them to bring their heartaches to them and he is able to bring the comfort the encouragement and the change that we seek.
Alex (05:16.077)
So we want to talk today about these two forms. They're both forms of lament but one is a specific lament kind of pattern after the lament and the Psalms and one is a little bit more free form and that's the process journaling but just over all these forms of lament are just honest
desperate trust that we go before the Lord and tell him how we're feeling. I think that what a lot of people worry about is that it's going to be them complaining or grumbling before the Lord.
accusing him of things, but it's really a crying out to the Lord in pain. And I always say it's facing towards him, not away from him. Where away from him it would feel more about him, but this is like to him. And I think we have really good grounds in the scripture to be able to see that many of the Psalms, almost half of the Psalms are lament Psalms. An entire book is dedicated to lamentations and you can't go far in any of
the books of the prophet without seeing and hearing their cries of lament. So it's all throughout the scripture.
Brenda (06:26.704)
Yeah, absolutely. And I think, you you touched on something really important and that is the motivation of our heart. God's not just reading the words on our lips. He's reading the motivations of our heart. And so I do think we get a little bit stuck with do everything without complaining or grumbling or arguing, right? We get the New Testament command there and then we come to, hey, just pour your heart out to God. It's like, ooh, how am going to do that? And we talk a lot about tension and living in the tension of that because oftentimes lament does reveal bad motivations of our heart.
Alex (06:35.053)
Hmm.
Alex (06:48.375)
Yeah.
Yes.
Brenda (06:56.628)
Sometimes lament does reveal the unbelief of our hearts. Sometimes lament invites us into repentance. And that's a beautiful part that we don't have to be afraid of that. That when we come before the Lord and it does expose our hearts, great, beautiful, wonderful. Then talk to God about that and turn from that and lean into Him and cast our hearts on Him. And I just think, you talked about we're in good company. Jesus himself laments. I mean, I think he laments.
Alex (07:02.125)
Hmm.
Alex (07:07.051)
Right?
Alex (07:12.09)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
Brenda (07:26.598)
when he looks over Jerusalem.
And he says, man, I wanted to be close to you. I wanted you to accept me. I wanted you to see me as the Savior. came for you and you've missed me. You know, and I think we can see throughout the scriptures even just, you know, the death of Lazarus and how he wept. He lamented there. I think in other areas we see the lament and how lament drew him into compassion for people who were broken and people who were sick and lame and demon possessed. And then, of course, in the garden, such a
Alex (07:29.504)
Yes.
Alex (07:36.277)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (07:42.518)
Yeah.
Brenda (07:58.677)
personal, personal lament. And when Jesus says, soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, and you know, I...
Alex (08:00.966)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (08:06.765)
Yeah.
Brenda (08:10.13)
I feel like I don't, you know, I want to be careful how I say this, but I feel like I have been that I have been Jesus in that garden where I felt like my soul was overwhelmed to the point of death. And it was like, Lord, take this cup from me and getting to the point then that I could say not my will, but your will. You know, that's that's where I want to emulate Jesus. I want to be able to move in that direction. But yes, we have so many great examples of lamenting in the Bible, and it needs to be a part of our rhythm. I love when we had
Alex (08:16.171)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (08:19.981)
Mm.
Alex (08:30.167)
Mm-hmm.
Brenda (08:40.084)
Carol Callier on and she really just talked about every day. Like I think there's kind of three things we need to lament, we need to repent and we need to give thanks. And that needs to be the pattern of really how we talk to God every day because there's something to be sad about or angry about. There's something to rejoice about and there's something to confess, you know, most every day.
Alex (08:41.618)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Alex (09:00.149)
Yes, and I think it's good for us to remember that God knows that we are living in a fallen world. And so, He knows that our experience of what we were created for and what we're really experiencing day to day don't match. And He doesn't rush us through that sadness or that sorrow. He doesn't shame us for feeling sad. He invites us. And I think that's the beauty of even Hebrews of recognizing that we have a Savior who understands.
what we're experiencing. He's experienced this fallen world and so I think we need to really sink into the fact that lament is not immaturity. It's not something we need to like, okay, as you grow in your walk as a Christian, as you become more mature, you won't need to lament. I think as we, what I see is as I grow in my walk with the Lord, I lament more.
Brenda (09:53.838)
Amen. Yeah.
Alex (09:54.978)
that there's more that I see of the ways that God intended it to be in my relationships, in my body, in what's going on in the world, and it causes me to go to Him more and more with lament.
Brenda (10:07.654)
Yeah.
So we just want to say, you, your heart is broken and there's somebody around you that's telling you just trust God and move on, we want you to be able to reject that counsel and be like, it is okay for me to sit here with my savior and be sad and pour out my heart to him. And we've talked about this in numerous other podcasts, just how most of the time we feel uncomfortable to sit with other people, but Jesus is never uncomfortable to sit with us. God is never uncomfortable. The Holy Spirit is never uncomfortable.
Alex (10:15.969)
Yeah. Yeah.
Alex (10:34.413)
Hmm.
Brenda (10:38.738)
we have a community to go to that will always sit with us, will always be there, will never rush us, and will never tell us just to get over it, but is going to be there as long as it takes. And I certainly have experienced that in my life and I'm so thankful for that.
Alex (10:39.361)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (10:49.164)
Hmm.
Alex (10:56.673)
Mm-hmm.
Brenda (10:58.15)
Well, let's talk very practically about this model of a prayer for lament and then a model and a little bit of an explanation again of what we mean when we say a process journal.
Alex (11:08.653)
So the lament has a little bit more structure to it and the structure that we're going to talk about today is protest, petition, and praise because we like our alliterations. And the protest, yes, it's a requirement I think.
Brenda (11:21.97)
Don't all Christian teachers... That's right. We go to alliteration school 101.
Alex (11:30.411)
That's right.
Protest, we'll just start there. That's probably the most obvious place to start because we are coming to God with what's wrong, what hurts, and what we don't understand. And so we're pouring out our hearts before the Lord. And it's a place where we can address God intimately. We don't have to try to clean things up. We don't have to figure things out. We don't have to pretend things are better than they are. So we go to Him in the messiness. We use descriptors and adjectives and often metaphors for how it feels.
One of the ones I think about a lot is when the psalmist says, tears are my food day and night. Like there's this word picture that we instantly identify because we've all felt that like I'm never going to stop crying.
Brenda (12:16.614)
Yeah, and I think this protest part can be a little tricky. think this is the part where we talk about maybe...
I don't know, having reservations and wanting to know where do I cross that line that I'm disrespecting the Lord or I'm saying things that, you know, sound un-Christian. And I think, again, when you go back to this complaining not about the Lord complaining to Him, and we look at the protest to say, what's wrong in the world around me and what's wrong in my heart? Like I'm protesting these things. Like these things are not right in the world, God. They're not the way that you designed them to be, you wanted them to be. And now there's the fallout.
from that. And then God, I'm protesting in my own heart. And so often what happens in trial is my unbelief, my fears, my anxieties are rising, right? And so even having the protest about why is this happening, Lord? What is going on? And again, I love that the Psalms are so, the Psalms are so honest in with their struggle for belief, in them holding on to hope, in them acknowledging or fearing, let's say, that God has turned away, turned his back and acknowledging their own
Alex (13:00.62)
where I am.
Alex (13:16.704)
Mm-hmm.
Brenda (13:24.084)
of that. So, I think if we are honest and take an honest look at the scriptures, we're gonna see a lot more in the protests not being cleaned up than maybe our own hearts think need to be. Does that make sense? Okay.
Alex (13:25.249)
Hmm.
Alex (13:37.215)
Right? Yeah, it does. Yeah, and then the next part is petition, and that's where we ask God to see, to hear, act. Many times you'll see in the Psalms, and I think when we write our own limits, it's where we remember the promises of God and we ask him to honor those. We ask him to act and help in our circumstances or in our own hearts.
Hebrews 5-7 says, Jesus offered up prayers and supplication with loud cries and tears to him who was able to save him from death and he was heard because of his reverence. And so we see like God did not deliver Jesus from the cross but he was
present in and through and using the cross for his purposes. even in the garden, like you said, when Jesus cries out, take this cup from me, we see that angels minister to him. And so it's this petition part is where we are asking God to remember who he is. You'll even hear the psalmist say things like that. Like, this is who you are. This is who I've known you to be. I want you to be.
Brenda (14:53.059)
A stronghold.
Alex (14:54.134)
this again.
Brenda (14:55.162)
In times of trouble, right? A shield. Yes, those sort of things. And definitely looking back to the past oftentimes to remind themselves of God's faithfulness in the present and the future. I do want to say, think protest and petition, you know, they get intertwined a lot. It's not so neat as I'm over here protesting and then when I'm through with my protesting, I'm going to move to petition and then I'm going to move to praise. Like, there is a dance that's going on. And I think so often with that protest and petition, we've talked about kind of the three primary emotions that come up a lot of times.
Alex (15:10.06)
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
Alex (15:15.67)
True.
Brenda (15:25.106)
in Laman and his fear.
Alex (15:26.986)
Mm-hmm.
Brenda (15:27.054)
and sadness and anger. And so, know, wrestling through those emotions, wrestling through the petition in all of these different areas and then going back to a protest and then the protest rises and we have another petition. The petition comes and you know maybe that brings up another protest. So that's not going to be so neat. I do want to say one thing that about the petition I feel like the Lord has shown me more throughout the years and when I was a younger Christian I used to come with not just my petition but the outcome.
Alex (15:41.452)
All right.
Brenda (15:57.001)
for that petition. Right? I would come and say, Lord, here's my cry, here's what's wrong, and here's how you need to fix it. And, you know, again, as we grow in trust, as we grow in belief, as our faith is deepened, we realize, like, how many times did I say, God, this is how you need to fix it? And then when He didn't, I was like, thank you, Lord, for unanswered prayers, right? So, I would just say in those petitions, I'm not saying it's never, I'm not saying it's ever, or always wrong to ask
Alex (15:58.639)
mm-hmm.
Alex (16:04.236)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (16:19.148)
All right.
Brenda (16:26.864)
for something very particular. But I do think there's wisdom and I'm just going to give a real basic example. If you're out of work and you're looking for a job, you're asking the Lord, you know, you may have been fired or let go or whatever. Maybe you're protesting about that. Your petition is that, I need a job. I need to have, you know, money for the things to be able to support my family or to live or whatever. But, you know, to go as far as to say, and God, you need to give me this particular job at this particular place in this particular time.
and then kind of handcuff the Lord to that because
Alex (16:57.068)
All right.
Brenda (17:00.774)
you know, that can lead to further protest and further disappointment. And honestly, just looking at prayer is more of God being a cosmic Santa Claus that we just kind of come with our wish list and then tell him how we want it filled. So I would just say if we can bring those petitions very open handed to the Lord with the protest, I think that's just accepting the things we can't change and then really surrendering all of this to him. Because I think the praise is going to rise a lot of times from the acceptance.
Alex (17:09.868)
Hmm.
Alex (17:14.486)
Hmm.
Alex (17:19.99)
Mm.
Brenda (17:30.889)
and the surrender. And if not, we're going to keep those clenched fists. I think we're going to stay in a posture of protest.
Alex (17:32.022)
Hmm.
Alex (17:36.203)
Yeah, and I think again, we trust that the Lord sees our hearts, that there are times that I think it's fully appropriate for us to express our desires before the Lord. And even important for us to express our desires before the Lord. It can get really tricky, the difference between when we are telling him what we want and demanding what we want from him.
Brenda (17:47.153)
Yes.
Brenda (17:56.979)
Yes, yes, I think, and that's exactly differentiation. Uh-huh. Yeah, no, I think that's good.
Alex (18:03.036)
And then the last part is praise and this is often the hardest part and feels really counterintuitive when we're lamenting to think that we're going to move into praise and I think we need to remember that this might not be the praise that we feel. It might not be the praise that feels ready in our hearts and our minds but this is the turning we see in most of the lament psalms all but one really turn in some form of hope and I think that
Brenda (18:18.492)
Yeah.
Alex (18:32.158)
you know, an expression of hope, a choosing to trust, a declaration of trust in the Lord. It's really what we are choosing to believe is true rather than what we feel in that moment is true and so we try to turn our hearts to it. We call our hearts to this type of hope. So this is the hard part.
Brenda (18:54.968)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
I love that yesterday I went down to the river to do some contemplation. I'll get to that in our next episode. But one of the things the word the Lord really laid on my heart yesterday was the word hope. And it was so beautiful because yesterday was a cool day and there was a cool breeze. It was just perfect. was 78 degrees. It was just lovely, a little bit of a breeze. And I'd just been reading about the Spirit of God being like the wind. And we can see His evidence. We don't see Him. And so kind of tying this whole idea of hope is from the Holy Spirit.
Alex (19:01.58)
Mmm. Mmm.
Alex (19:16.042)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (19:22.88)
Mm-hmm.
Brenda (19:27.54)
and how hope does bring kind of this cool breeze even on scorched earth, right? And how refreshing that is. And we know that hope is based on the promises of God, who He is, and the confident expectation of what He's up to and what He has said and what He has promised in His character. And so I think praise begins to take our problems or our sight off of our problems and put them on Jesus, put them on the Lord, leaning into the Holy Spirit.
Alex (19:31.562)
Mmm. Mmm.
Alex (19:39.903)
Right.
Alex (19:54.773)
Hmm.
Brenda (19:57.413)
And oftentimes, you know, even if we can just, even if our Thanksgiving is simply like, Lord, thank you for this trial that is pushing me to this lament. It's pushing me to relationship with you. It's pushing me to, you know, have more of an awareness of you, to invite you into my life and to spend time with you. Then, you know, that's a great praise right there that we can see that God is using.
Alex (20:09.077)
Right.
Alex (20:25.546)
Right? Yeah.
Brenda (20:27.536)
the struggle. So I think, know, in that regard too, we're instructing our hearts. And so often that praise, again, can be the examples of the scripture. Looking back to Lord, you've been faithful. One of my good friends says, you've survived 100 % of your worst days. And, you know, I love that. And so I can praise God. I've,
Alex (20:41.683)
right?
Brenda (20:47.174)
been down before, I've been through hard things before, and you've been there for me." So maybe you can't praise him for what's happening right now, but you can praise him for his faithfulness in the past. So I think just some, you know, some ways maybe even to put a note in your phone about when I go, when I'm in this lament season, like what are some things that I could call to mind that would bring me to praise because the Holy Spirit's job is to put the glory of Christ on display.
Alex (20:54.764)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (21:10.336)
Hmm.
Brenda (21:11.118)
And so the Holy Spirit is very much wanting to turn our lament into praise, right? He's wanting, he's not impatient, he's willing to allow us to sit in that and be with us, but he also is there to turn our hearts and our eyes upwards so we can begin to praise the Lord, even what's in difficult. And then I have just found that once kind of what you said, once I get started, I will actually just really sense the Holy Spirit's presence and maybe it's going to a worship song or to a psalm or
Alex (21:17.356)
Hmm.
Alex (21:22.636)
Hmm.
Brenda (21:41.114)
just a list of things to be thankful for that you know have all of these this thing is so bad but I have so many things that are good so I'm going to talk to the Lord about those things as well and then honestly before I know it I feel like well my heart's really into it and oftentimes my emotions have even changed.
Alex (21:47.19)
Hmm.
Alex (21:55.117)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. That's a great point. Well, one of the things I want to remind people of, and I think we taught this early on, or I particularly taught this early on when I taught lament, and that is one of the ways you can do this if you don't feel confident doing this kind of on your own is you can take a Psalm that has the same basic structure of protest, petition, and praise, and you can rewrite that Psalm in your own words. That's how I started with lament. It felt a little bit
Brenda (22:25.574)
Mm-hmm, me too.
Alex (22:26.146)
more comfortable to take the psalmist words, make it very personal to my own situation. And then almost like once I got the feel of it, I was able to just be released from that structure from rewriting the psalmist words and wrote my own words. But it's a great place to start. And I think on our handout on Lamenta,
Brenda (22:32.06)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (22:46.838)
we even may have an example of someone who has done that. And those prayers that I've read that people have written are beautiful. And I just love how people can take what's written and take it to where they are. And so if you're having trouble getting started, I suggest starting there.
Brenda (23:05.392)
Yep, I would agree with that a thousand percent. Well, let's move to the process journal, affectionately known as the burn journal. it's kind of like, if you think lament is hard, burn journal can really feel uncomfortable.
Alex (23:12.224)
The burn journal.
Alex (23:19.08)
Very uncomfortable. It's become my favorite thing. It really has. any form of prayer.
Brenda (23:22.684)
Yes.
Alex (23:25.772)
And I probably give this more than any other tool that I give people, but it does make them uncomfortable. And the reason is because it's very different from a lament in the sense of, I think in a lament we're more talking to the Lord about what's happening and in the burn journal we're talking about how we feel about what's happening. And so it really requires us to ask the question, how am I feeling about this?
question I tell people to take it one step further than that is not just how my feeling but what are those feelings saying? So what are the words that are churning in my heart, in my head about this experience? So it's not documenting the experience, it's actually documenting what's in me, the words that are in me and that's where it gets scary because often what's in us is very messy, it is not cleaned up, it doesn't sound good.
Brenda (24:18.482)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (24:25.502)
I tell people this is the journal where you say the things that you're not allowed to say quote-unquote not allowed to say and people come in all Right, and that's the first thing. Yep
Brenda (24:30.098)
But yeah, God knows it anyway. It's like, but God, yeah, yeah, yeah, that God's reading our thoughts. Right.
Alex (24:38.378)
That's the first thing I tell people, was like, do you think he doesn't know? Like he already knows. And then people will inevitably say to me, you know, when I do this, I say curse words and I was like, yep, me too. Again, do you think he doesn't know? But,
Brenda (24:52.584)
Hahaha!
Alex (24:57.172)
just want to say before we talk about the structure that this journal comes out of chronic pain theory that we do not need to store our emotions in our body because oftentimes they will come out in physical symptoms. And so one of the biggest motivators for me to do this type of journaling is to remember that I don't need to hold on to these things and just stuff them down that in order to find resolution for them in order for them to feel like they're growing small.
I need a place to pour them out. I need a place to express them.
Brenda (25:31.921)
Yeah, and if you don't, Alex, if we don't do that, oftentimes what happens is the people around us get it.
Right? Like if we don't go up to the Lord, if we're not honest, if we're not sitting with ourselves and sitting with the Lord and working through and processing our pain, then we're going to try to stuff it. We're going to try to put it aside. And eventually it does come out. And a lot of times, to your point, it could even affect our bodies more and we could have more of a breakdown spiritually, mentally, physically. But also it could be something that goes out to other people. And now we're damaging relationships with those around us.
Alex (25:39.296)
Yes.
Alex (26:04.906)
Hmm.
Alex (26:09.205)
Yeah, my favorite illustration is the beach ball that when you were kids you used to try to hold under the water when you were in the swimming pool and that's this big ball of emotion and we try to push it down, push it down, push it down and you can do it for a little while.
And the first thing I think we need to recognize is how much energy it takes to keep that beach ball under the water. And our bodies hold emotion as energy. So we're holding that energy in our bodies. And the second thing is what you said, that eventually our hands will slip and the beach ball will come out. And I always say to people, and where does it go? And they're like...
anywhere, right? Like once it comes out, we think we have control over it, but when it slips, it's gonna shoot out and then we don't have control always of where it's going and that's when it begins to affect, like we said, either our bodies or people we're in relationship with because now the emotion is going places we didn't intend for it to go.
Brenda (27:04.774)
Yep, exactly.
Well, let's talk about the structure. The first thing that we recommend is to set up your journal. And I kind of look at this as a little bit what I'm going to call maybe a brain dump. Just, you know, before you go deep, you just kind of like just put it all out there. So we're going to create an index to keep track of the entries. And typically those are around three categories. There's current stressors, there's past hurts, and there's difficult relationships. And I think almost everything could come up under
Alex (27:15.957)
Right.
Brenda (27:37.177)
one of those categories. Yeah. And then you're just using this list for your future journaling topics. And you can really let, you know, be prayerful about where God is leading or what pressure you're feeling the most at that particular time. So I think, you know, half the battle is just starting. But if we can just get initially those thoughts down and be honest about what's bothering us, then now we can come back and begin to sort through and prioritize where we're going to go.
Alex (27:37.606)
One of those.
Alex (27:54.121)
Right.
Alex (28:04.979)
And then when we do have time to write, then we pick a topic or if you're in a place of a really difficult situation, it may be very obvious that you're going to just identify the emotions about that situation and start to write. Sometimes I tell people use the feeling wheel because it'll prompt your brain of some words of emotions that you may not be thinking. And the biggest thing is don't overthink it, just start to write. They say that it takes us about 10 minutes to get past.
Brenda (28:17.564)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (28:35.013)
our own resistance of not saying those things that we feel like we're not supposed to say. So if you just start to write you'll kind of push past that and you'll just be able to say what those feelings are saying.
Brenda (28:48.56)
Yeah, and then the encouragement is to write freely for 15 to 20 minutes, but again, we might have to start really small and just write for a few minutes, because that may feel really strange to do, to build kind of a habit, to build almost a tolerance for our own emotions without getting more emotional about our emotions. And so I think the big thing here we're just saying is unedited and unfiltered.
Because in reality, if we're really going to look at what's happening on the inside and God already knows it, you know, we've said before, if you can't name it, you can't tame it. And so being able to really name those emotions, see what thoughts are tied to those emotions begins to give us the ability to bring those things to the Lord and begin to find comfort and, you know, the encouragement and the change that we are, that the Lord wants for us.
Alex (29:44.492)
Hmm.
And in this part, I tell people a couple of different things. Like there's, there are no rules here. So if it helps you to write this as a letter that has a direction towards a person, write it as a letter. If it helps you to write on one side of the paper, what you feel sad about and the other side, what you feel angry about or what you feel afraid of. Like there, there's not a rule. You can move in and out of thoughts. The biggest thing is don't stop your thoughts because once you stop your thoughts, then it's,
you have this feeling of like, I shouldn't be saying this. It can get hard to continue to keep going. If you can let those thoughts come. I also tell people they're like, well, is it okay to say the good things? I'm like, absolutely. Write it all. I mean, it's all in us. And so just say it all. And I do want to remind people, and I didn't think this would be an issue. We say to write for 15 to 20 minutes, don't write for two hours. I've had people do that.
Brenda (30:42.916)
Right?
Alex (30:45.421)
like they're destroyed for the rest of the day, they're exhausted. So there is some wisdom in maybe not taking more than 30 minutes to do this because it is an emotional and a bodily experience to express what's going on inside of us. And so the time limit is like something to shoot for, like let's get to this point, but it's also something to limit us.
Brenda (30:50.021)
Yep.
Brenda (31:08.464)
Yeah, no, that's actually great. I'm glad you brought that up. So the fourth thing we talk about is when you're done, destroy it. Why you speak to that?
Alex (31:15.947)
I
this part. I've always loved this part. I personally burn it. I know some people you're in an apartment or you're in a situation with young kids where you don't want to model setting things on fire. I understand. Tear it up, run over it with your car, delete the file in your phone, flash it, whatever you want to do. The point is to tell your brain that nobody's going to see this so that every time you come to this journal you really will be completely honest. So it really
Brenda (31:27.283)
hahahaha
Brenda (31:33.798)
can flesh it.
Alex (31:46.3)
reinforces two things I think that nobody's ever gonna see it and that the Lord does see it and he's the only one who sees it which is why I personally like to burn it I feel like it's almost like an offering to the Lord that I'm entrusting this to him it only goes to him and my counselor likes to say and he's far kinder to what we just put on that paper than we really are towards ourselves and so let's give it to him
Brenda (32:13.51)
Yeah, no, I love that.
Well, I love this part because I think that we have to bring it back to the Lord. you know, in some ways we can be, we're pouring out our hearts, it's activating our body, it's activating our emotions. And now we want to be able to settle back into our union with Christ and God's love for us as His beloved. And so we recommend ending with a 10 minute meditation on God's love. And there's a lot of ways to do that. We could do that through, I personally love worship music. You know, I always say I'm not a big music person.
But if I'm in pain is the one time that I really love music and so I think reflecting and or singing on a song, scripture reading, just silence, you know to sit in silence and just really have that I'm the Lord's beloved and just really meditating on that. But this is the time that we're receiving the grace and mercy that the Father is so lavishly pouring out on us and extending to us.
Alex (32:58.635)
Yeah.
Alex (33:13.663)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I think this is really important. think that it is the place where we ground ourselves back in the love of God. We regulate, if we feel dysregulated from this activity, we regulate our emotions and the body response that goes with it. And so I hope people don't skip it because I think it's really important. And what I found is my personal pattern is if I can't sleep at night and something's
Brenda (33:24.368)
Yep. Yeah.
Alex (33:44.445)
I'll wake up in the morning and sometimes I'll write before I do anything else and then move into whatever my quiet time for that day is. So I think it's just that's a sweet sweet time with the Lord to remember that he loves us even when we're messy. So we wanted to talk real quickly about the difference between the two of these because they both are forms of lament. They're both forms of crying out to God. They're both ways that we grieve and we process how the world is not at
Brenda (34:00.806)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (34:14.409)
what not the way it's supposed to be. I personally use process journaling more often because I think more and more often I feel the need I need some spaces where I don't have to edit myself and I don't have to be careful around my words and and so that that feels very more true. I think that
it, you know, other forms of lament, they got me started. But now that I've moved into process journaling, I have not as often gone back to more structured forms of lament. I've stayed with kind of the unedited unstructured and it helps me to be able to, I feel like what Sherry Tate, our friend says, there's this big black ball of yarn and I feel like that unedited helps to unravel that big black ball of yarn for me.
And I found and I tell a lot of people this and this is why I use it in conjunction with counseling a lot that things come up on that paper that I did not anticipate. It's in there but I couldn't find words for it and I'll say it. And so I often keep my phone next to me when I'm in counseling and I'll jot a little note or two of something that I want to tell my counselor or something that I want to share with a friend or my husband so that it's almost like once I've gotten all the money
out it's like distilled down to these one or two things that feel really important and really true that I want to make sure that other people are entering into with me. So I've found it to be a way that yes I do get to pull back and process my emotions alone with the Lord but it has also forced me and given me a tool for what I want to share with other people.
Brenda (36:07.41)
Yeah, I like that. think so often.
When we fail to sit back and process what's happened and the impact, particularly emotionally on us, then when we do go to somebody, we can be primed with a lot of emotion. I was having a conversation with my sister when we were, my parents had to move to transitional living situation and neither one of us is particularly, you what I want say, like neither one of us were just grasping for things, but it was interesting because the few things that I would really like to have from my mom and dad, I started getting
Alex (36:21.746)
Mm-hmm.
Brenda (36:40.34)
a little bit anxious about like, it going to hurt my sister's feelings? What was going to happen? You know, was this going to cause a rift or whatever? And so then when I went to speak it, I didn't prepare and it was like, blah, blah, blah, blah, And it sounded to her like I was demanding these things, you know, like I just had to have them. Like it came out so wrong. And so I think too, you know, to process your emotions first and well with the Lord, you can sort through them. So now when you go to have a conversation with someone, your emotions are going to be much more in check and in line with
Alex (36:43.006)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (36:50.856)
yeah.
Alex (36:59.146)
you
Brenda (37:10.26)
your intent and yeah, just sorting, think just sorting through like, do I feel this way? And all the things that go with that. So I think it can really, really help.
with just those again, those horizontal relationships. And I do want to say, I mean, you could put the lament and the process together, right? Where again, I think we just talk about it might be as we grow and lament to your point what's happened, I think for both of us is that our maybe our protest part has just become deeper, more wide, more intentional, more honest. Yeah, just maybe more honest. so, I mean, there's again, there's not necessarily a division because God wants
Alex (37:42.366)
more honest.
Brenda (37:50.245)
honesty, he wants truth in the innermost parts and I think that this is just a way that we could do these separately or do these together really. And I think the other thing I just want to say is that both of these require creating a space, Alex. We have to create a space and time and I think that is you know one of the biggest killers of anything like this and really prayer in general but particularly the lament and processing emotions is that we just don't stop, we don't take the time, we don't
create the space to be able to do that. And honestly, that's why a lot of us are in a mess, because we don't even know how we're being impacted on a daily basis. We're not set to really think about these things, much less take them to the Lord.
Alex (38:33.598)
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
I wanted to just before we close, wanted to just say one or two things that I hear people say back to me a lot about process journaling. We've already covered the part of like, am I allowed to say that? Am I sinning? And I think you made a great point. Like if your lament or your process journaling takes you into repentance, if the Holy Spirit says, uh-oh, great. Like that's really what it should do. It should reveal your heart to you. And then, cause like we said, the Lord already knows some people say, well, is it really
good for me to sit with all these negative emotions. And again, I would say they're there. You're just pushing them under the surface like the beach ball. You're sitting with them. They're sitting in you or you're going to let them come out. And so I don't see it as like an over focus on negativity. I think I see it as a processing through it to in order to release it.
Brenda (39:11.024)
Right. You're sitting with them one way or another. That's right. That's right.
Brenda (39:28.816)
That's right.
Alex (39:30.122)
This is a big one. I repeat myself over and over again. People say that a lot and I say like grief is repetitive. We think and we feel the same things. It is okay to write the same things. I've written letters to the same people. Five, six, seven letters about the same conflict, right? But it's like in our grief we find ourselves. It's why it's hard to bring other people into our grief because we feel like I know I already said this
Brenda (39:52.914)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (40:00.029)
to you, but the Lord doesn't say that to us and that is part of processing through the emotion. So if you find yourself repeating yourself, don't stop it. It's what's there. It's what's real. And the last thing is, is that sometimes my emotions contradict themselves. I find this particularly, I mean, I think that's true in all of life. One place I see people struggle with it is they're in conflict with someone and they, they have this weird feeling of like, I'm really angry.
Brenda (40:00.305)
Yes.
So good.
Alex (40:30.132)
with you and I really miss you or really love you really appreciate you and they don't know how to reconcile those things and I tell people I used to write one side of the page about the anger and then write the other side of like how I miss the person what I appreciated about them because it expressed what was going on in my heart and it felt so true to be able to say both of the things together on the same paper and so don't be afraid of those conflicting emotions you're not going
Brenda (40:35.122)
Mm-hmm.
Brenda (40:54.576)
Mm-hmm.
Alex (40:59.862)
crazy as part of the human experience to have these these what feel like conflicting emotions about the same topic but allow yourself to express them.
Brenda (41:10.246)
Yeah, well, those are just such great points, Alex. Thanks for sharing that. I think it just brings a lot more richness to even this process. Well, we're gonna wrap it up here on lament and process journaling. We're gonna let our dear precious sisters read their prayers. And we will also have an instruction sheet for each type of these prayers that you can access as well. And I just wanna close with saying if you're going through a deep dark time,
valley and you're hurting and you're in pain, remember that God is not offended by your grief. He's not shunning you, running away from you, tiring of you. He wants to meet you there every single time.
Alex (41:47.114)
Hmm.