Season 11 Ep.2 / The Examen Prayer

[00:00:31] Brenda: Uh, well, Alex, we're back in season 11. And we've, um, titled this season. Sacred access. We're talking about prayer. And uh, what we wanna do in this season is to share some very practical, what we think are powerful practices, uh, that invite us to meet with God in really deeply personal ways. Um, and today's episode is about one of our.

[00:00:53] Brenda: Favorite prayer forms. I think all of them we really enjoy. But this one I really have enjoyed is called the examine. And I like to think of it as a way to like tidy up your heart before you go to bed if you do it at night, or maybe a way to defrag your soul in the morning before you start defrag your soul, before you start a new date.

[00:01:12] Brenda: Um, and. I think the, the thing about the practice that I really love is it's just this intentionality of going back through your day and seeing God's presence in the everyday moments of life. Yeah. Um, but before we get started talking about examine, I think we wanna go back a little bit to what we were talking about in the previous episode, and that has to do with this idea of structured and unstructured because these tools are structured, but we've also been talking about.

[00:01:41] Brenda: Unstructured. And so we talk a lot about the tensions and that sort of thing, so I thought maybe we, we might wrestle this out a little bit that we're saying like conversation with God, prayer is conversation, talking, listening, but now we're giving you a formula. 

Yeah, we 

[00:01:55] Brenda: said it's not formula and now we're giving you some structure or some formulas.

[00:01:59] Brenda: Why would we be doing that? 

[00:02:00] Alex: Well, what we were talking about in our little break was we were, we were warned against these prayers that become vain repetition, I think is the, the words that are used in scripture. And yet I think what we're finding is that. Our human hearts do need rhythms and rituals. We do need some structure.

[00:02:21] Alex: We may not need the structure that I referred to in the last episode where I structured every part of the prayer, but guidelines or prompts. And then often we're even gonna talk about some prayers where we use the exact words like mm-hmm. The psalms are, are prayers that, uh, corporate. Uh, worship used individual worship used.

[00:02:43] Alex: So, um, we are, we, we are saying they're not formulas, but there are some tools or structures that are helpful. Mm-hmm. I also think what you said is really true, like having a lot of tools in the toolbox to pull out in different times is, is a good feeling. Mm-hmm. Not just for your Enneagram seven, but for all of us.

[00:03:02] Alex: Because who of us hasn't woken up in the morning and wanted to pray, but we don't even know where to. Start? Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:10] Brenda: Yeah. I think ti there are times that we don't know where to start. I think when we're in deep pain, um, sometimes we don't know where to start. And I think it is true of our spiritual disciplines that we have to start with some discipline and then God and then pray that God grows the desire.

[00:03:24] Brenda: And so our brains love order. Mm-hmm. Our brain does love structure. And so as we begin to expand upon these different tools. What we wanna say is sometimes when you have a structure in place, I think about all the biblical counseling, um, hooks and ladders, and all the things that we give to help people through anxiety and depression and frameworks and tools and ladders, all this language.

[00:03:49] Brenda: This is basically what we're doing with prayer. But once you, once I've had those frameworks working in my system, so to speak, and I'm thinking through like, okay, how do I work through anxiety biblically, and I've got the structure in my mind. Well, eventually it just becomes a part of me, 

[00:04:03] Alex: right? And 

[00:04:03] Brenda: now I don't have to go back.

[00:04:05] Brenda: It is just woven. Into my thinking and into my heart, and so I think that's what we're saying. We, we don't want these tools to make people feel bound, but we want them to actually bring freedom because you can use them when you want. You can use them how you want. You can build some of this into your life where it helps you with unstructured prayer as well.

[00:04:25] Alex: Mm-hmm. I think, uh, maybe it's like jazz, what they say, like jazz musicians. Like they know the, the original rules and structures of music, but then they learn how to freelance, freelance, twist it up, turn it on its head. Like it's a little bit like that. Like knowing the rules just provides a place for creativity.

[00:04:42] Brenda: Yeah, I think that's great. Alright, well let's talk about what is the examine? 

[00:04:46] Alex: Yeah, I'm, I think it's funny we're starting with the examine because the examine is a reflective prayer that we do at the end of the day. So we're starting at the end of our day. But, um, so well, I think examine does it and invites us just to review a replay the day before the Lord.

[00:05:03] Alex: It's a reflection and I, I particularly like it because it invites us to have a few quiet moments in the evening where we would just reflect on the ordinary parts of the day. Mm-hmm. The, the other thing I like about the examiners, it's been around for a long, long time. Yep. Like we said, this is nothing new.

[00:05:21] Alex: It's been practiced for centuries. It was developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola in the 15 hundreds. 

Mm. 

[00:05:29] Alex: And, um, the Jesuits were required to do it twice daily, so they did it at noon and reflected back on the morning, and then at bedtime reflected back. Mm-hmm. On the afternoon. And again, what I love about the examine is it gives us a structure that once we know mm-hmm.

[00:05:45] Alex: We can riff on, we can mm-hmm. Use it in different ways. Mm-hmm. 

[00:05:50] Brenda: I really like that idea of doing it twice a day. 'cause it does force you to pause in the middle of the day. Mm-hmm. And I don't use it that way in my own practice. I will actually do it first thing in the morning and reflecting on the day. Uh, the previous day.

[00:06:02] Brenda: Mm-hmm. And, uh, 'cause that's typically when I do my prayer time, but it is interesting how little I can remember from the previous day. And so doing it twice a day at lunch and dinner is actually helpful and it just reorients you to the presence of God. Um, so I learned about the exam and prayer just a few years ago.

[00:06:18] Brenda: This isn't like a practice that I've known for a long time. I went to a local retreat, uh, in Chattanooga with a ministry that teaches spiritual formation practices. And so what I'd like to do is just. We'll take this, um, time to just go through the elements of that prayer 

mm-hmm. 

[00:06:34] Brenda: And teach it. And then we're gonna have our reader, uh, give her explanation.

[00:06:38] Brenda: Mm-hmm. So the first, there's basically five steps to the examine prayer. There's, um, replay, rejoice, review. Repent and reboot. Look at that. All ours, and I didn't make those up. I learned those, but it's the alliteration. Again, I learned those in the class, and I think these are the classic ways that mm-hmm.

[00:06:59] Brenda: This prayer is taught that St. Ignatius did this prayer, but the first one is the replay, and basically all you're doing is you're becoming aware of God's presence. Mm-hmm. So what I will often do is just. You know, it's really hard for me to be still, I wanna get up, get my coffee, and immediately get into my Bible.

[00:07:17] Brenda: So it forces me to be still. I'll do a, a, a little bit of breathing, maybe some of the breathing exercises that we teach, um, and kind of just settle my heart and really begin to notice and invite God in and to say, God, you are here. And I am with you. And you are with me. You know, it's just this idea of, of the awareness because so often we get up and we haven't even thought about God.

[00:07:41] Brenda: We haven't thought that he's invited us to come for access. We haven't thought about settling our hearts with him. And so at that point, I say a simple prayer. I'm asking the spirit of God to replay my day for me. Um, kind of picturing God beside me and watching your life, your day kind of unfold like a film, because we do.

[00:07:59] Brenda: Mm-hmm. We do think in pictures. We kind of live in pictures and, and our day is a short story really. Um, so let him show you where he is with you. Um, and a lot of times we're missing God in real time, right? Mm-hmm. And this just allows us to. Um, yeah, revisit the day with God, which is a beautiful way because honestly, I go so fast and so hard.

[00:08:23] Brenda: A lot of times I'm only acknowledging God first thing in the morning and the last thing at night, and not really noticing where he is in between, which is just a real powerful way. We talk about how presence is the most important part, 

right. Of 

[00:08:36] Brenda: our relationship with God. If we don't have his presence and we don't have access, we don't have God.

[00:08:39] Alex: Mm-hmm. So then the second step is rejoice. And that's the opportunity to then think through those events and give thanks for them. And we may be giving thanks for the hard things or the good things. Mm-hmm. The happy things. Mm-hmm. And, um, and just recognizing, I, I think the word that, uh, desert Fathers and early prayers used was the consolation, which were not necessarily just the good things that happened, but they were the places that.

[00:09:10] Alex: That they saw God meet them in the day. 

[00:09:12] Brenda: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then we're gonna talk more about that in the next part of the prayer. I do think even thanking God for the mundane. Mm-hmm. And so often I will start my time off with like, Lord, thank you for my Jira coffee machine, this incredible cup of coffee. And for this little.

[00:09:27] Brenda: Nest in my little chair, Uhhuh and this cozy blanket. Mm-hmm. And just these, these mundane things. But if I don't stop to think about 'em, I'll just go. But it creates this whole environment for me to be able to meet with the Lord and see the Lord. And one of the things I love about this rejoicing, going through your day and like, Lord, thank you for the quiet cup of coffee.

[00:09:44] Brenda: Thank you for the hard but honest conversation with so and so. I just start off with thank you for, and I go through and what we begin to see is whatever, wherever we see the goodness of God. Is how God is loving us. 

Mm-hmm. 

[00:09:58] Brenda: And I, I love that concept that sometimes I'm missing the love of God, and sometimes I have women come and say, I, I just don't see the goodness of God.

[00:10:04] Brenda: I don't see God loving me. I don't feel His presence. It's like, well, you have to stop and reflect and wherever God has been good to you. That's where God is loving you and meeting you. 

Mm-hmm. 

[00:10:14] Brenda: So the next one is the review, and that's kind of where we get into the constellations and desolation. Mm-hmm. And this is where we're paying attention to something particular and our emotions.

[00:10:23] Brenda: So what I, what I will often do is write down all like the day I'm rejoicing for all these things, and you're not gonna write down everything in your day, Alex, it would be overwhelming. 

[00:10:32] Prayer: Yeah. 

[00:10:32] Brenda: On the, you know, on the re on the, uh, rejoice part. But you're gonna just, whatever the Holy Spirit brings to mind.

[00:10:37] Brenda: Mm-hmm. I'm writing those things down, then I'm going back. And if you pay attention to your emotions, you will see a lot about the movement of God in your heart. 

Mm-hmm. 

[00:10:47] Brenda: And so in reviewing, you're going to begin to highlight, um, what's been really good or what's been really bad. And I was shocked because when I first did this, I thought if you had asked me before I did this exercise, I would've told you My day was great.

[00:11:04] Brenda: I had a great day. Today was just a good day when I went in and I went back. To look at my experience of the day and my emotions. There were 13 different emotions. Yeah. Tied to all of those. Like experiences that I was writing down. And so then I was able to reflect like, well, where was I bored? Where was I happy?

[00:11:24] Brenda: Where did I feel resentment? Where was I, um, you know, anxious or fearful? And then, or, or again, joyful and exuberant. And then this idea of your consolations, those are the things that are life giving. Those are the areas where you see God meeting you and the desolation are those draining moments. When you feel distant or fragmented.

[00:11:44] Brenda: Mm-hmm. Or sad. And so most of the time, what I end up journaling about here, you pick one of them out and you, you spend a little time writing about that particular event. Mm-hmm. And that particular emotion. Mm-hmm. So a lot of times, you know, this is where I will delve a little bit more into what was my fear, what was my anxiety?

[00:12:03] Brenda: Where would I feel sad or alone or distant? And spend some time with God in that area lingering there. You know, asking God to speak through it. Um, and, and other times, you know, I might just really be jubilant about something, but I didn't even stop yesterday to praise God about it, 

[00:12:20] Alex: right? Because I 

[00:12:20] Brenda: didn't even notice it.

[00:12:21] Brenda: It was like, oh, that was great, and now I'm gonna really spend some time. Looking at that and really thanking God and really expressing gratitude for that. 

Mm-hmm. 

[00:12:31] Brenda: So you kind of are starting off with looking at the whole day, if you will, and then you're zeroing in and, and on one event that you're gonna spend a little bit more time talking to God about.

[00:12:42] Brenda: Am I explaining this Well? 

[00:12:43] Alex: You're explaining it very well. Okay. And I think I'm a little in awe because I've only ever done the examine laying in my bed at night. Okay with the light sound. So sometimes I don't even get through all this stuff and I've never written it. Yeah. So I'm intrigued of writing it because I can see, particularly in this part where we're identifying emotions and we're going deeper into constellations and desolation, how writing it would.

[00:13:10] Alex: Open things up a lot more. I still do love the examine. Yeah. As the last thing I'm doing as I lay my head on the pillow. But I, I like the idea of writing those and seeing some of those parts of the day open up a little bit more mm-hmm. Than we, when we were experiencing them. Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:28] Brenda: Well, I think our emotions are just great indicators.

[00:13:30] Brenda: They're not great dictators. Right. But they're great indicators. Mm. And Saint Ignatius, one of his great insights was that we detect the presence of the spirit of God and the movements of our emotions. Oh. Which I think is really a beautiful way of saying that. Mm-hmm. So, um, and I, I will even use the emotions wheel because when I say there's 13 emotions, you know, there's a lot of words, there's a lot of, uh, spectrum.

[00:13:52] Brenda: For anger. 

[00:13:53] Alex: Yes. 

[00:13:53] Brenda: You know, or any of those emotions As we look at the emotion wheel, it's not just anger, sadness, and fear. There's a lot of emotions there. And so I think it's a great exercise to learn how to name your emotions. To understand your emotions. Mm-hmm. And then to see again that movement of emotions and where God is in those places.

[00:14:10] Brenda: Mm-hmm. So, yeah. Great exercise. 

[00:14:12] Alex: And I think it's almost naturally gonna take us into repentance. 

[00:14:15] Brenda: Yes. 

[00:14:16] Alex: Because I think we then see places where we want to be honest with God and confess. Yes. We want to, we see places where we need grace and mercy. 

Yes. 

[00:14:26] Alex: And um, and then we start to think about, well, how could things be different tomorrow?

[00:14:31] Brenda: Yes. 

[00:14:32] Alex: Versus the way it was today. 

[00:14:35] Brenda: I think so. Good. I think in that review, because I go to desolation. A lot that suffering part of my story. Mm-hmm. Or the things that I'm really grateful for. But you're right. Oftentimes then I will begin to see how I didn't respond well. Where was my lack of trust in the Lord?

[00:14:48] Brenda: Mm-hmm. What is God inviting me into in terms of comfort and change? Um, and so repentance does really flow, I think, very naturally. Um, from that. Um, and I think it's just an opportunity to be reminded, you've done all this previous work, like you're already in the presence of God. You've already gained access, and so you don't have to feel guilt and shame like you can continue with mm-hmm.

[00:15:09] Brenda: A prayer of repentance and meet God in his compassion, in his kindness, in his long suffering. This and, um, yeah. And, and just realize like this is about grace. Right. You know, just the ability to have this access and have this conversation with God is just so grace filled. Mm-hmm. Well, the last one is what we call reboot.

[00:15:27] Brenda: And that's where you're gonna look at the next day. Or in my case, I do it in the morning. So I'm looking ahead, what does the rest of my day look like? You know, paying attention even to some of the feelings again, that are surfacing. When I write down specific things that are coming up today or in the next few days, I will even notice like, Ooh, I feel anxious about that.

[00:15:44] Brenda: Mm-hmm. So I'll start talking to God ahead of time. Oh, I feel sad about that. Mm-hmm. Okay. I want the Lord to reveal more about that. And so I think even in that point, you can really use that movement of God in your emotions to begin to identify and begin the prayer. Ahead of the time that you're getting to whatever you're getting to.

[00:16:01] Brenda: So, um, yeah. And then inviting God to, to go ahead of you so you know, God, help me to be more aware of you tomorrow. Guide me through the hard meeting, bless my conversation with so-and-so, and make me open to the spirit. Yeah. So things like that, 

[00:16:14] Alex: you know, until this conversation, I don't think I have connected.

[00:16:19] Alex: They examined with our emotional experience as much. I, it wasn't taught to me that way. So I, I really like the way you're explaining it, and I like that, um, that it allows for more exploration of our emotions. We talk a lot about lament with this exploration of often unwelcome emotions, but I think the examine brings in other, mm-hmm.

[00:16:39] Alex: Other emotions with anxiety, it brings in thankfulness and gratitude. Mm-hmm. So I, yeah, I really like the connection of, of this prayer structure with our emotional life. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So we said, our last question is why does the examine matter? And we're gonna say again that the exam is not a to-do list or something you check off before you collapse into bed at night, even though it is what I do before I go to sleep.

[00:17:04] Alex: But, um, I, I do love that it's, um, it's an, it's an invitation to bring God into the everyday moments of our lives. Mm-hmm. So the examine is a way of, of. Saying that we don't, that we wanna live real mindfully, we wanna, there's a lot that we're talking about, about mindfulness and presence in our everyday life, and this is a way to do that in prayer with the Lord.

[00:17:27] Alex: And my favorite thing about the examine is the rhythm that it brings to our life to think about. Using it at, in, at noon or in the evening? Or in the morning. Or in the morning. I do actually tell teach people to do it in the morning if that's helpful to them. And, um, and you, you, you know, I love LAIA 3 6 5.

[00:17:49] Alex: Mm-hmm. And so they have Laia Davina's, the morning prayer structure, but the examine is their evening prayer structure. Mm-hmm. And they do a four step exam. So I don't want that to confuse people. Mm-hmm. I think they combine. Um, the review and rejoice kind of comes together. Okay. And so there, you'll, you'll hear different people teach, examine in different ways, but there's the same basic structure Yeah.

[00:18:12] Alex: Of gratitude and repentance and looking ahead to the next day. Mm-hmm. And I think it just gives us this rhythm of awareness, of gratitude, honesty before the Lord, and then entrusting to him what's coming. Yeah. 

[00:18:26] Brenda: No, I agree. Well, um, hopefully our listeners will find this helpful and we'll try the exam and prayer.

[00:18:34] Brenda: Try it. You might not like it. Mm-hmm. But you might like it. And again, it's, for me, it is one tool in my toolbox. It's not what I do every morning. 

Mm-hmm. 

[00:18:42] Brenda: Um, but I will kind of wake up and sometimes I rotate through different prayers that are structured and sometimes it's very unstructured. Um, but I wanna just go back over the five.

[00:18:51] Brenda: Um, parts of it. And then again, we'll have handouts that explain the examine and how to do it and with the example so rejoices Lord, um, the replay is, Lord, uh, you're here. I acknowledge you're here. I wanna talk about what's happened with you today, the rejoices. Thank you for. And we talked about the good things and even what God is doing in the heart and bad places.

[00:19:16] Brenda: The review is what's really stirred my heart. Mm. And I'll know that through my emotions. Where has there been a lot of happiness and joy? Where has there been a lot of sadness or fear? Repent is, forgive me for and reboot. Reboot is Help me tomorrow too. Um, in just a moment, um, our listeners are gonna hear a prayer from one of our friends who has made the examine part of her prayer life as well, and she's gonna share how this tool has been powerful.

[00:19:44] Brenda: And then she's gonna read. Um, from her actual prayer journal. And again, I just wanna say, I wanna say thank you to our readers and the people that were willing to share and be honest and vulnerable. Um, these are all women who have their own story of prayer. They're not, they wouldn't consider themselves spiritual prayer giants.

[00:20:04] Brenda: They would consider themselves women who are just sincere about wanting to. Commune with the Lord and understand that they are in the process of growing and some of these tools are even new to some of them and they've just begun some of these practices as well. So, um, you know, as you listen to her story, um, you might feel that you have some of the same messiness in your story or some of the same hesitations of maybe what she would say would be hard.

[00:20:32] Brenda: Um, but we're hoping that this episode will stir. Our listeners to at least try the examined prayer, right? Mm-hmm. Um, it, you don't need to do it perfectly. Like you said, there's even different ways to do it. So this is where the unstructured part comes out. Don't be so bound by the structure that is so important, but use this structure as a way to launch and hopefully to motivate and make you excited, to engage deeply with God in, uh, maybe some new ways.

[00:21:00] Prayer: The examined prayer is helpful for me because whenever I put pen to paper, it causes me to process my thoughts and see more clearly how I feel about something. It also helps me notice patterns of thought and experiences in my life. It's an impor. Um, it's an opportunity to slow down and reflect on what's happened that week, that month or day, and it feels like a pressure relief valve.

[00:21:21] Prayer: I really appreciate the guidance of becoming aware of God's presence and giving thanks, noticing my emotions. Choosing something that stands out to me and then looking with hope toward the future. At the end of the examined prayer, I feel more anchored and often feel more clearly aware that God's hand has been with me throughout the day, week, or whatever period I am reflecting on.

[00:21:43] Prayer: Father, help me to see this week through your eyes. Help me to see myself and others as you do. Thank you that you are always at work in me. You saw my discouragement this past week, how I felt misunderstood, too flawed to be used by you. Fearful that my words would fall short or even wound leaving others feeling unloved or judged and kept from seeing your heart.

[00:22:06] Prayer: I grieve that even my best efforts can fall so short, that fear can drown out your voice and that I suffer under the weight of my own thoughts, much less the judgments of others. But you remind me that in my weakness, I can boast in your strength. You remind me that despite my shortcomings, you still use me and that I'm deeply loved by you.

[00:22:28] Prayer: I thank you for sending that precious woman I barely knew who wrote to me about how something I said had impacted her far more than I realized. I thank you for the incredible conversation with my daughter about spiritual matters. I thank you for the work of homeschooling my child for the worthy tasks that before me each day, and the privilege of growing and learning with my son.

[00:22:51] Prayer: I thank you for walks in nature of the incredible beauty surrounding us, and for how your majesty is on display for all to see. I thank you for my weekly walks. Monday walks with my precious friend for the holy ground. We often tread together for a kindred spirit that I cherish. I thank you for the God-fearing women and mentors you've placed in my life for the way they impact me and the world around them.

[00:23:16] Prayer: I love them dearly. I thank you that only you can speak to the deepest part of our hearts, and that the enemy lies must flee in your presence. I thank you that your truth sinks into my innermost parts until it becomes the truest thing about me. God, thank you that I was able to share with my daughter the difficult thing I'm walking through.

[00:23:36] Prayer: I was so blessed by the way her fervent, joyful eyes looked up at me and she said, mom, I have something God gave me for you and I want to share it with you. She opened your word and showed me the, showed me the highlighted second Corinthians six, eight through 10. What a beautiful reminder that our lack is met with your riches and that we serve not as man pleasers, but unto God.

[00:23:59] Prayer: No one was more misunderstood than you and He and you were perfect. How much more will we as sinful creatures be misunderstood And the reminder that even though we own nothing, we have everything in you. And even as our hearts ache, we can have joy. Father, please forgive the way I rehearse pain in my heart and mind how I nurse my wounds and seek to vindicate myself.

[00:24:23] Prayer: Help me to release these things to you. Remembering that you already know. Turn them into prayers that breathe redemption and hope instead of cementing brokenness and hopelessness in my mind with you, all things are possible. Please help me to see you at work throughout my day tomorrow. Help me to awake with my eyes on you and my mind fixed on your truth.

[00:24:43] Prayer: Help me to turn to you before turning to others. Use me in spite of my many failings. May I live with the urgency of your coming written on my heart. Purify my intentions, consecrate my actions for your holy purposes. I praise you Lord. And thank you for another day

[00:25:08] Meleah: for visuals and discussion questions for this podcast. Sign up. At known ministries.org because we learn better together, we'd love for you to share this podcast with others and gather to discuss it. If you take a moment to like, follow, subscribe, and rate this podcast, it'll help tremendously. We'd love to connect on social at known ministries.

[00:25:31] Meleah: This podcast is made possible by generous donors, executive producer Meleah Smith, and engineers and producers. Shane Salby and Zachary Tate Smith. The information presented is for the enjoyment of all. It is not intended as either medical advice or counseling, nor is it specific to any particular individual.

[00:25:48] Meleah: It is not intended to replace counseling, medical care, or professional advice. Please contact 9 1 1 if you're having an emergency.