Season 10 Ep.2 / I Must Always Be Available!

Alex (00:03.128)

We're back in our 10th season. just like saying that. And this season we're trying to just.

Brenda (00:07.146)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (00:12.652)

have a little bit of fun, maybe be a little bit more inspirational to say, go ahead and get out there. And it's titled, do as I say and not as I do. And so today, Brenda, what we're going to talk about is that I am always available, which sounds like a really good thing. And we've done this amazing podcast on presence and how we need to show up for people, but it is a trap to believe that we can always be available.

Brenda (00:38.188)

Yeah, and it's not only just a trap in our professional lives, Alex, but it's a trap, especially in our personal lives, again, where I think so many of these things start and come out. you know, we've all heard of the helicopter parents, and we don't want to be the helicopter counselor. I was raised in Southeast Alabama, close to Fort Rucker, a military base which specializes in helicopter. And so about every 30 minutes, 24 hours a day, there were helicopters going and circling around my home.

Alex (00:51.362)

Yeah.

Alex (01:03.179)

yeah, yeah.

Brenda (01:06.238)

And they could be rather obnoxious and also invasive. But, you know, the helicopter parent is the one who's always hovering and close by and then wants to swoop down and rescue their child at the sign of first trouble. And then I just, I recently learned that there's a new type of parent called the lawnmower parent. Which this was a new one for me, but apparently is taking this whole over-parenting to the next level. So rather than hovering, parents just...

Alex (01:23.542)

Yes, I that.

Alex (01:30.563)

Mm-hmm.

Brenda (01:32.766)

literally actively prepare the way for their children to succeed. They go before them, they're just mowing down all the obstacles, they're clearing the path, and if anything gets in the way, man, they're just gonna mow over it and get it out of the way. And we have a lot of studies now that are showing how these parenting styles are really unhealthy, how it shows certainly an unhealth of a parent's view of themselves, but also it's not good for the children.

Alex (01:35.682)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (01:46.35)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (01:56.311)

Right.

Brenda (02:01.93)

and it's not gonna be good for people we counsel either.

Alex (02:04.525)

It reminds me of another example, not of parenting, but I've heard the illustration that a butterfly has to struggle to get out of its cocoon in order to strengthen its wings. And when people try to interfere with that process and help the butterfly, end up either weakening the butterfly so that they're unable to fly or injuring them so they're unable to fly. And I try to remember that when I want to put my hands on something and

Brenda (02:34.466)

Hmm.

Alex (02:34.559)

you know, get in there and fix it that my fixing might actually be crippling and cause somebody not to be able to fly.

I think this is a really great topic in this day and age because we've never had the ability to be as quote unquote omnipresent as we as we do now with things like life 360 and that all the technology that we have to be able to know and be available and know where people are and what they're doing and be available to them like it's just never been more of a temptation for me and I'm certain for other people as it is right now.

Brenda (03:12.866)

And I would say probably the biggest temptation in this is going to come with our own children.

Alex (03:18.241)

yes.

Brenda (03:18.338)

You know that ability that God did not intend for us to have by the way There's our there are whole generations that survive now. I know that we got in trouble Maybe some of the dangers would have been diverted You know, maybe we would have avoided some things had our had our mothers been able to do that with us But I just want to say for those who are Particularly struggling in the realm of with their children that it really God did not make us to be able to know everything 24-7 and so and it's exhausting and so we're gonna talk about

Alex (03:45.517)

Mm-mm.

Brenda (03:48.244)

about some of the dangers and the first danger is if you do that you will burn out. I mean think about a mother who has multiple children. Think about if you're trying to be involved with a number of people's lives and entering into their struggles and troubles. There's just so much of you to go around. So if you always have to be on, you're gonna be mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted.

Alex (03:48.446)

It's exhausting.

Yes.

Alex (04:12.395)

Mm-hmm.

Brenda (04:13.042)

And we have to have rest and renewal. Like God made us, if we're going to be effective, to actually have to turn off or our tank will run out. And what happens when our tank runs out is our ability to help other people actually begins to decline. We are not as effective. We are not as useful. We are not able to, it's kind of like a law of diminishing returns. The more we try to be there all the time, the less we will actually be able to be there.

Alex (04:21.101)

Right?

Alex (04:32.897)

Right.

Alex (04:41.657)

All right, I think we do have to keep talking about the way this plays out in parenting because it plays out so much. And one of the things that I remember you saying to me that I really think you're the only person who's ever admitted this, but it was so helpful. I hope I'm not ratting you out when I say this.

Brenda (04:42.004)

as much as we want to be.

Brenda (04:58.146)

That's all right, go ahead.

Alex (05:01.677)

But I think we were talking about I never I never did like 360. I don't think it's sinful I don't think it's bad or anything like that I just know myself well enough to know it wasn't gonna go well for me to have that kind of information all the time You know how fast are they driving or you know blah blah blah? I just did not need to know it and then so high school I avoided you know getting super anxious or that didn't feed my anxiety other things did but that did not

Brenda (05:07.639)

Yeah.

Alex (05:29.037)

And then my kids went to college and I remember he's saying to me one day, he said, you know, out of sight out of mind is good sometimes. It kind of helps you not to worry so much. The less information you have, the better. And it was like, nobody ever would admit that to me before. And I was like, it is so true. Like I do not need to know everything that my kids are doing, even if I feel like I do. And I think this just applies to anybody we just really love and want them to be doing well.

Brenda (05:35.714)

It's true.

Brenda (05:42.626)

You

Brenda (05:55.948)

Hmm.

Alex (05:58.954)

and we want to spare them harm and say we want to know what's going on so we can try to alleviate that hurt and so we think we need to be there and be available for them. So I think you're right. There is a law diminishing returns. think one of the biggest dangers is like we lose an objectivity and an effectiveness because we're exhausted. Therefore we have poor judgment. We have impatience. We have an emotional depletion. And one of the boundaries that I've really had to set

is for myself, I never mind if people text me and I even encourage people, hey, text me this reminder, let me know how this went. But I do try to add, I will respond at some point, but I will not respond right away. One.

I'm usually with somebody else and I can't respond away. And two, I have just had to learn the hard way that I do not need to read texts after about eight o'clock at night. Like I just, I'm not able to answer wisely or at all. Sometimes, sometimes I read them and I just did this just this week, read a text, somebody shared something, wanted my response on it, read it at night, forgot that I read it, didn't want to respond. But then because I read it,

Brenda (06:55.746)

Hmm.

Alex (07:16.367)

I completely forgot and four days go by before I even remember that I didn't respond to the text and the reality is I don't even need to be reading those texts at that time and I need to leave them unread and I need to approach someone when my brain is fresh and I'm not distracted and so me being available at all hours is actually not helpful to the other person and I think it you know it's caused me to do things like miss key details offer less thoughtful guidance sometimes I

things out of the fatigue or frustration or exhaustion and it's just not a good way to show up for people.

Brenda (07:52.834)

Yeah, and I think we definitely can see where being exhausted, being run down, again, affects us in our most intimate relationships, where we have the most rub with people. And I was just thinking too on the whole text message thing, I find sometimes when I don't have time, but I just feel like I need to say something quickly, that's when I come across as the most insensitive.

Alex (08:01.227)

Yeah.

Alex (08:15.381)

Yeah, yeah.

Brenda (08:16.638)

Right, because I'm just kind of like throwing out a pat answer, kind of slapping the Bible verse on it or the platitude or whatever. And it's really just better not to say anything sometimes than to leave somebody kind of with that like, wow, I was really saying something important and I just got to what just this really kind of trite answer back. So.

Alex (08:26.294)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (08:36.469)

And sometimes I've learned to say, gosh, that feels really hard. Can we talk about that when I see you again? Because I can't, like, I can't get in the head space to, you know, really either understand what's going on in their world or...

Brenda (08:41.984)

Yep. Yep.

Alex (08:50.197)

be like you said to even have the words to respond properly and I know that when I'm face to face I'm gonna be able to engage in a different way and so I want to acknowledge it but I'll just say this is heavy this feels hard I feel like this is something really important for us to talk about when we're together.

Brenda (09:09.504)

Yeah. Well, another danger, I think, in this way of thinking is that it just creates an unhealthy dependency or it can create that. And if people are always expecting you to be available,

they're gonna learn to rely on you instead of turning to the Lord or turning to other support systems, to other people, helpers, to other relationships. And again, we just don't wanna create this environment where it's all up to me and I'm always around and I'm your only person to go to because it's just so unhealthy all the way around. Our goal is we want people to feel stronger. We want people to be more confident. We want them to mature and grow and use all the means that God supplies them.

Alex (09:38.807)

Yeah.

Brenda (09:51.564)

I just think about there are seasons in people's lives that we're going to show up more intentionally, more intensely. think about if you're an infant compared to a person who's growing, just needs a lot of care. Or if somebody is had a major accident and they're in bed with broken bones and a concussion, they're going to need a lot more care in that season. But again, even in those seasons, this is why we talk a lot about team. You bring in other people.

Alex (10:21.217)

Mm-hmm.

Brenda (10:21.348)

And you invite other people into that space so you are not the sole person carrying the weight or the amount of time that has to be spent on that person. And ultimately again, we're trying to help people grow strong in the Lord and all the means of grace He has provided.

Alex (10:39.557)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, we didn't list this as a specific danger, but I think we've been into this danger of creating unhealthy dependency on us is that it often doesn't allow people to become dependent on the body of Christ to really recognize that there's a whole body of Christ with all different giftings, all different experiences. And so not only do they need to turn to the Lord, but they also need to recognize that there are other people within the body of Christ that

Brenda (10:53.612)

That's right.

Alex (11:09.481)

that can't be available at different times.

Brenda (11:12.564)

Yeah, and I think it's a little bit of a warning. mean, I've had people that have I've engaged with at times who don't want that. They just want you like you are the counselor. You are their person. And I think you have to always just gently push back on that and and sometimes firmly push back to say I'm actually not necessarily even the best person. I'm certainly not the only person.

Alex (11:19.446)

Yes.

Alex (11:27.371)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (11:34.028)

Right?

Brenda (11:36.244)

And so we're going to invite some other people in because this is too much for me and I can't be there all the time. And then that person can decide if they want to continue to journey with you or not and those other people.

Alex (11:41.013)

Right?

Right. Yeah, good point. Another danger is they can become a control issue. We talked about control in the last episode that we can feel the need to be available all the time and it might be that might be assigned to that we're taking on too much responsibility and we're trying to control all the outcomes.

Brenda (12:06.274)

Yeah, and I mean, to be honest with you, I like to control outcomes. And most of the reason I want to control outcomes is because if I can see you're going in the wrong direction, I can see you're going off a cliff, then I want to control that for them.

Alex (12:09.982)

Mm-hmm.

Brenda (12:23.936)

But again, it's mine to warn, it's mine to admonish, it's mine to be with them as much as my responsibility demands that. It's different for my husband and my children and people that are in my parents as it is opposed to outside my family. But I just think that some of that control can just be, I know where you're headed and this is gonna be bad.

Alex (12:46.637)

you

And we talked last time about that the motivation for that can be good that we want someone to avoid pain. We don't want them to hurt anymore, but it can also be tied to a pride of trying to be omnipresent can give us this sense of self-importance, feeling like it all depends on me. And so we don't have to trust God or trust the Holy Spirit's process that we can just be available, be there.

take care of it and it gives us a sense of real importance of irreplaceability in somebody's life. And so it could also be a motivation of fear that we're afraid to see how painful something can be. We're afraid to see what the outcome in someone's life will be. We're afraid that they could fall into additional sin if we're not available or we're not there to say this thing or do this thing at the right time and yet we have to be able to

Brenda (13:23.606)

Mm-hmm.

Brenda (13:45.836)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (13:47.695)

Again, the Holy Spirit is at work.

Brenda (13:51.486)

And I think we want to control those good outcomes not just because we don't want them to be in pain but because we don't want to be in pain.

Alex (13:56.96)

Right. Yeah.

Brenda (13:57.706)

And so for my children, for sure, like there's such a temptation to want to control those outcomes because if they're hurting, I'm hurting and I don't, and I don't like to hurt. So if I can control that, you know, why not? And yet we really get in the way of what God is doing there. And I have to say, Alex, I can remember, you know, early on in my professional counseling career, especially, but having a little bit of a mixed bag of I wanted to be there for people because I really wanted to help them. But I also did.

Alex (14:05.324)

Yeah.

Mm-hmm

Brenda (14:27.65)

like sometimes being the person, right? Having, I mean, I think we can enjoy that feeling of like, well, I am the counselor. I am their resource. I am the person for this person. They need me. Yes. And I mean, I'm being a little recovered, codependent, people pleaser that I am. You know, that has been a real struggle for me is to not feel like, well, everybody needs me.

Alex (14:30.285)

Yeah.

Alex (14:35.501)

They need me

Alex (14:50.631)

huh. I loved it one night. One of our friends, Audra, invited me to talk at Celebrate Recovery. And I loved that one of the things that several people stood up and said is I'm a recovering people pleaser. was like, these are my people. I need to be here every week. But it's just so helpful to be able to see there is a bit of an addiction to it.

Brenda (15:05.92)

Mm-hmm.

Brenda (15:15.638)

Yeah, and that is the reality of personal ministry. If you really give your life away.

There is something about that that is very, that you really do feel the favor and pleasure of God. Like there is a pleasure, a reward experience in that that is very good. But it needs to be attached to our relationship with God and what's better for other people and not with the view of ourselves in mind, right? That it's just for the reward. We need to be saying it's actually for the relationship with Jesus and the relationship with this person. And that will be a game changer. Well, another just danger is that we can neglect our own life and our own relationships.

know, if you're giving 100 % or 90 % to one person and you've got, you know, six or seven people that you're primarily responsible for in your life and then some other people you're helping, things can get out of balance really, really quickly. I know when I married my husband, one of the first things my husband went to meet my parents, one of the first things my parents told my husband is that I wanted to be everybody's savior.

And so, you know, for me, I really look back, I'm not sure if God had not given me my husband who was very good at reeling me in that I would have been out there, you know, influencing the whole world while my own marriage and children and family would have fallen to a million pieces. So I think there has to, you know, think priorities, I think maybe that's what I'm trying to say is like we have to have priority living and our priorities do set some really natural boundaries.

Alex (16:27.821)

You

Alex (16:37.271)

Mm-hmm.

Brenda (16:48.58)

boundaries for us. You and I love what you said too, because when you were talking about the text situation and you said, I'm not telling people they can't text me, but I will tell them I'll get back with you. A boundary is something put in place that you can't make somebody else abide by a boundary. But you set boundaries for yourself. They're healthy for you and your marriage and you set them based on the God given priorities, you know, that He's given to you.

Alex (16:49.153)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (17:11.531)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

One of the things that while we're talking, I don't think we put this down, but I think that one of the other dangers of this is that we're modeling something if we try to be available all the time that we're actually modeling something that's really dangerous to the person that we're walking with. Because if we're available to them all the time, we're communicating to them that they need to be available to the people in their lives all the time. And so we're actually perpetuating a really unhealthy model of relationship.

Brenda (17:32.642)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (17:45.824)

relationships and as you said It's just not sustainable to do that. It's not sustainable in our lives It's not sustainable in their lives that we even see Jesus when he came he came he took time alone He prays he rests he spends time with the Lord. He lived a boundary life

Brenda (17:52.15)

Mm-mm.

Brenda (18:05.49)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and you know, he knew even Jesus, even the Son of God knew he had to fill his cup first, you know, to be able to pour himself out for others. And I have seen this with people and I have certainly experienced this in my own life at times where ministry has become the focus of my life to the detriment of my time with Jesus. And I can just tell you, you're not gonna be a very effective Christian.

Alex (18:11.147)

Mm-hmm.

Brenda (18:31.884)

person, people helper, friend, mother, whatever, if you're not spending time with Jesus every day, allowing him to refill your cup, so to speak, so that you have some living water. You you can only go off your past relationship with the Lord so long, like you want something fresh to bring to people and you want to be refreshed when you show up and meet with people. And if you're just spreading yourself so thin,

Alex (18:52.46)

Yeah.

Brenda (18:59.604)

And it's really, really hard. I mean, I understand because one of the things I don't do is I don't read the intake forms at my office. Somebody else does that. Because even though I have very specific times that I'm supposed to meet with people and times that I have for administrative work and doing training work, if I read those forms, I will fill up every minute of my day with somebody in need.

Alex (19:26.743)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Brenda (19:27.626)

You know, and so kind of this idea of like, always have to be available for every single person all of the time. And the urgency of the need can't always be, sometimes it is what drives us because sometimes again, it's seasonal, but I think as a pattern in our lives and Jesus, again, like you said, he modeled this.

Alex (19:32.178)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Alex (19:46.465)

Mm-hmm.

Brenda (19:47.168)

You know, there was, I he saw all the sick people. He had the ability to heal all the sick people. He knew where all the demons were. He could have done all the casting out. He knew where all the sin was. He knew where all the forgiveness was needed. But in his humanity, he walked in a limited way and knew those limits.

Alex (19:55.937)

Yeah.

Alex (20:02.177)

Yeah.

So one of the things we're trying to do with each one of these podcasts, Brenda, is try to remind ourselves of some things to help combat this temptation to, have to always be available. And so the first one we wanna remember is that we're not the omnipresent one. We cannot always be everywhere at all times and we cannot always be available but God is, that He is always with the person that we're concerned about, even when we can't be with them.

when we can't talk or influence the person, we can talk to him about them.

Brenda (20:39.266)

Yeah, I've got a situation in my own life where somebody I love and is very vulnerable I don't get to spend much time with and I've really just had to come to the point to be okay with that because I think It's hard for me not to I mean, I think my presence would be good But it's just not a situation where I can be present so I can either feel very hopeless

Alex (20:55.126)

Hmm.

Brenda (21:01.418)

Because I can't even really you know, it's hard even to monitor much less to show up But or what I've what I've come to do is just to pray like Holy Spirit Angels of God who do his bidding Jesus himself, you know would would visit in this situation and would bring Comfort where I can't bring comfort Yeah, I and and I think it's just It's been a real reminder to me

And it's been a very, I guess, humbling place. One, that God doesn't need me. He doesn't have to have me in a place that He hasn't called me to. And two, He can work in some supernatural ways. And that's really what I'm trusting the Lord for, some really supernatural, it's like pushing my faith, which I think is really good and needed. So I think another thing we just have to remember is that we are part of the body of Christ. No person is the whole body of Christ. We're only a part.

Alex (21:34.284)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (21:50.921)

Right, yeah.

Brenda (21:56.65)

And so whatever part we are, let's be faithful to that part, but let's be humble enough to know that we're not the whole thing.

Alex (22:03.613)

Right, yeah. And I think when we allow ourselves to step back and see the body of Christ do those things, it can be really scary and really painful at first, but when we see God use other people in the life of someone we love, like it's just, that's an amazing thing. I think that connects us deeply to the church, to the body of Christ in ways that we didn't anticipate. And then to be able to see the creativity in the body of Christ, by the way, people do things so differently.

Brenda (22:31.436)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Alex (22:33.607)

ways that would never even think of expressing myself or saying or doing and the way that God can use that to be the very words or the very action that somebody needed at that time. So I think it can be really scary to step back and at cost to be really fulfilling to watch it happen. So that's a good one to remember.

Brenda (22:38.807)

Hmm.

Brenda (22:52.364)

Well, and just on that point is just that we really rob other people of the ability to use their gifting and we rob the person we're ministering to by not receiving the gifts of those other people.

Alex (23:00.449)

Right.

Brenda (23:07.234)

And to your point, mean, sometimes I'm in a situation and I'm just staggered. By the way, somebody steps in because they're gifted in mercy and how they can sit there and be so present and so beautiful. Or somebody's really gifted in administration and they're running circles around me while I'm sitting by and holding somebody's hand. Or somebody is gifted in service and they've got the meals coming in and you know, all the things, really, we don't want to, we don't want to, and it robs God of his glory ultimately. Because God is most glorified when the church is showing up to be the church.

Alex (23:14.219)

Yes.

Alex (23:31.605)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (23:35.264)

Right, yeah, that's a good one.

You mentioned this earlier in the podcast that it helps if we can prioritize our roles and responsibilities for the people in our lives. So recognizing who are, you know, who God's put kind of in our circle of responsibility of who we talked about versus our circle of concern. So our immediate family, our extended family, church family and friends, coworkers, neighbors, strangers, and just being able to see that there are, I guess maybe we call it levels of responsibility that we have towards people that we need

Brenda (24:05.516)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (24:08.215)

wisdom to be able to prioritize. It's not that those are hard and fast, they're not fixed for all time. They change and they change in different seasons. But I think it is a good exercise to continue to think about that, pray about that, talk about that with other people. It helps us be able to know where and when boundaries might be appropriate.

Brenda (24:12.833)

Right.

Brenda (24:28.65)

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, another boundary I think we can set is just simply in communicating the expectations upfront with other people of our availability and how we will interact with them. And, you know, we've all had the quote-unquote needy friend.

that and I think this is just a word for people who are being helped. I think there is some consideration on the part if you if you are the person being helped to recognize that this person is doesn't have to be your sole person and that you do need to respect the limits that they have their limits as a human the priorities that God has given to them. But if somebody doesn't respect those things that I think it's a real grace and gift and responsibility for us to communicate that so they can because you can't be a

friend if you're always demanding that this person always has to be available when you want them to be available for your needs or your perceived needs.

Alex (25:24.565)

Yeah, and you know, I have wrestled this one out for years. Brene Brown used to always say that the most boundaried people are the most loving people. And I was like, that really be true? Like if I'm highly boundaried, am I really? But I really have wrestled that out and come to realize that that we're not a healthy friend when we're demanding from other people. We're also not a healthy friend when we're giving, giving, giving, giving, giving. Because most of the time when I've been in seasons when it's like that, I'm giving and it's about me.

It's about the way I want to feel it's filling a need in me. It's a swaging of fear in me and it's not out of love that I'm giving and when I'm over Functioning it's usually out, you know usually out of a place that's filling something in me and not the other person and said I've come to realize that being boundary It has been very loving because it allows me to give the best care that I can a care that I'm choosing to give Oftentimes yes sacrificing. This is not about

willing to sacrifice or not, but it is being willing to recognize that I'm a finite person who can't give, you know, all the time. I'm not always, I do not have unlimited resources.

Brenda (26:29.964)

Yeah.

Brenda (26:36.994)

That's right. That's right. Well, the next one is so obvious, but I feel like it's so obvious and yet we sometimes don't run to it and that is prayer. That we need to pray when we're stepping in and we need to pray when God has asked us to step out or we can't step in. And I've even found that, you know, when I feel really burdened and I want to step in, but I can't, it is just a prayer prompt for me.

Alex (26:45.217)

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Alex (26:58.989)

Yeah.

Brenda (26:59.758)

And typically, if I'm being honest, I'm probably short on my prayer life anyhow. having those prompts from the Lord to be like, no, you can't be there, but you can pray.

Alex (27:05.845)

Mm.

Brenda (27:11.404)

for this person and knowing that God will draw near, knowing that God will provide what they need when they need it. If they needed a certain thing, they'll have it. If they don't need it, then God will deal with that too. not using prayer as our last resort, but maybe making prayer more of an intention when we are people helpers and in ministry and with our families and especially when we can't be there and that makes us nervous so your child goes out.

Alex (27:19.681)

Yeah.

Alex (27:28.296)

Right?

Brenda (27:41.3)

and maybe allow yourself to look at Life360, you know, one time when they leave and one time when they're coming home, but maybe the rest of time you just pray and when it comes up and you're tempted to be anxious, you're just like, Lord, I'm gonna have to entrust my child to you or this person to you and I can't be there, but you're there reminding yourselves of all of those beautiful promises of God's presence.

Alex (27:46.061)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (28:02.231)

Right. Yeah, the other one you alluded to earlier is to go ahead and build a team and have a plan for crisis people or crisis situations. So build a team within the body of Christ, even outside the body of Christ so that it takes the pressure off of you feeling like you need to provide all the resources all the time.

Brenda (28:24.534)

Yep. Well, self-care and renewal, we've talked about that. Self-care is not selfishness, it's stewardship.

And we do need to take time to rest play pray and recharge and that needs to be a part of our priority is How are we caring for ourselves? And and I just I think if we look at all of these things together We would just say we don't have to be the people who write out These are all of my boundaries and this is number one. This is number two It's just if we just live a faithful life if we live a priority that ties life if we live a life where we're trusting in Jesus Then our life will naturally have boundaries that will be healthy for us

Alex (28:36.3)

Yeah.

Alex (28:48.108)

Yeah.

Brenda (29:01.034)

and be healthy for other people. And that will allow us to have more impact on more people in, I think, deeper ways and better ways.

Alex (29:10.285)

Mm.

Yeah, the last question we want to consider of each of these podcasts, Brenda, is how is Jesus the better and ultimate counselor in the way that we can't be? And we say that, you know, even when we can't always be there for the person that we care about, Jesus is always interceding with God on our behalf. says what he, he always lives to ever intercede for us. It's repeated in the scripture, this idea of always and continuously and said,

Brenda (29:30.146)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (29:41.519)

we can trust that even when we can't pray, when we can't be there, when we can't pray, He is doing that for us.

Brenda (29:49.826)

Yeah, I think all of these things we're going to say would be good reminders for us to go back to when we're feeling angst about not being able to be present in somebody else's life. if the person you're concerned about is a believer, then they actually have the presence of God, the Holy Spirit with them. And we need to take great comfort in that. And I know there's some controversy around guardian angels, but we do know that angels are sent to do the bidding of God. And so, you know, we can also pray and ask the Lord to send his servants where we can't go.

And for the Holy Spirit to bring comfort, bring conviction, to bring discernment if we're concerned about someone, to make provision. So yeah, we need to realize that there are greater resources available to this person than us.

Alex (30:34.251)

Mm-hmm, yeah. And then we need to remember that his eye is always on his creation and his created ones. He's watchful over us. He does not need to rest or sleep, right? He is always able to watch over us and watch over those that we love. And while he's watching, nothing escapes his view and he's always in control.

He's always on his throne and our ability to not be there all the time does not take God off of his throne.

Brenda (31:05.442)

That's right. Amen to that and hallelujah. Well, I think we need to wrap this episode up. I just guess I would say is that it is good that when we help people that we are faced with our own limits. We need this. We really, and I think this part of what the series is really, we hope, highlighting is that it's not a bad thing to be faced with our limits. It's a good thing to be faced with our limits.

Alex (31:08.149)

Ha ha ha.

Alex (31:21.185)

Mm-hmm.

Alex (31:33.802)

Right?

Brenda (31:34.464)

Because what it causes us to do is get on our knees to look up to God, to trust Him. And how are we really going to lead other people to trust in Jesus?

Alex (31:40.205)

Mm.

Brenda (31:45.192)

if we cannot trust in Jesus with that other person ourselves. And we're just going to always come back to this thought like he is the counselor, he is the wonderful counselor, we're not him. It is a privilege to partner with God in our homes and outside of our homes and our most intimate relationships and the other people God brings into our lives. But

Alex (31:49.421)

you

Alex (31:55.341)

Mmm.

Brenda (32:08.556)

We're limited and those limits are just what keep us dependent and humble and prayerful and that's good.

Alex (32:09.687)

Hmm.

Alex (32:15.981)

So our next episode we're going to talk about the trap of believing that my life has to be perfect in order to help others. think probably of any that we're going to tackle in this season, this is the one I hear the most often from people. Am I really ready? But I don't have this together, but I don't know how to do this or I can't do this or this isn't right. And so can I really be someone who helps others?

Brenda (32:43.938)

I would agree. Well, I'm looking forward to tackling that with you on our next episode, Alex. But that's all we have for today.

Alex (32:53.901)

You